Careful what I wish for.

The first day flying solo has come and gone, and everything went about as well as I could have expected, except one thing. Once you settle down to begin the bottle feeding, there’s really no going back (unless you want to get up, undo everything, piss off the baby, and get what you forgot). There’s no more, “Honey, could you hand me the remote?” Thanks to a little practice and a well placed pillow, I’ve got it now so that Madame is on the pillow and I hold the bottle with one hand. The other hand is pretty much open to handle the remote, which is good if I want to watch TV, but yesterday morning what I really wanted to do was read a book. The wife can read and breastfeed all night long if she wants, but what about the literate dads?

I figured there must be a solution, and the closest thing I’ve found is the Oprah-approved Gabriel Break-Away Feeding Pad ($24.99 at Amazon). This thing drapes over your shoulder and holds the bottle right at nipple-height on your chest so you can hold the baby with the other hand. I guess this would solve the problem (if you can get the kid to use it in conjunction with a pillow), but at this point what the hell am I doing? Strapping on a fake boob so I can read a book for 30 minutes? I need to suck it up and watch some TV like a normal dad, and be thankful it’s not my nipple the baby is tugging on.