modern day dad

Tip the magician.

So the other night I'm out with my ladies eating dinner, and a table-side magician approached us. Before I had children I would have tried to avoid it if I could, and if I couldn't I would just tell him that I wasn't interested. But now I've got a three year old who, although her experience with magic is very limited, her experience with balloon animals is not.

So after it was all over, it occurred to me that I should give the guy a tip for the floating card trick and the pink dog on a white balloon leash. So I handed him $4, to which he thanked me and went onto the next table. But it occurred to me, how much are you supposed to tip the magician?

As it turns out, I happen to know a guy through a friend of mine who is a magician and who has some experience working table-side, so I emailed him (quite out of the blue from his persepective) to find out what was appropriate. As a magician with an MBA, he gave me a rough frequency estimate of what people tend to tip:

$2 (20%); $5 (60%); $10 (15%); $20 (5%)

He said the high-end would be for tables of many adults where he "freaks them out" for 7-10 minutes, and small families like mine with a few tricks and some balloon animals would be $2 - $5. He also said many restaurant magicians are paid by the restaurant and shouldn't accept tips (I've never seen one), and those that work solely for tips usually work it into their act somehow ("A person wanted to leave me a tip once, but all he had was this poker chip...").

So I guess $4 is a decent tip for the situation I was in. And if you've finished this lengthy post about tipping magicians, chances are you have way too much time on your hands.

(A person was looking to figure out how much to tip the magician, but all they had was this random blog entry...)

[Big thanks to Frank from ConnectWithMagic.com - the best slight of hand guy I've ever seen close up.]

What I learned at Gymboree

Well, my daughter is a year old now, and as I stay at home with her during the day, she doesn't get a lot of interaction with other kids. So a couple of days ago I took Madame to Gymboree Play and Music. It's an indoor playground of sorts, with organized times where parents can bring their kid to crawl around and play with other kids their age. They way it worked was the first part of the "class" they had loose activities for the kids to do, like crawling and climbing up on stuff. Then they close the class with songs and activities that the parents do with the kids, including playing with an indoor parachute at the end. As far as I can tell she loved it, and for that I enjoyed it too. But there were also some things I learned:

• My little girl loves other kids. All the kids will look at each other, but she was really the only one who would go up to another kid and touch or try to talk to them.
• Soap bubbles. SOAP BUBBLES. How come I never thought to try soap bubbles with her? The kids were mesmerized. I went to Target the next day and got some (on clearance to boot).
• Parachutes are cool. Why aren't they marketed more heavily to parents? Maybe they are and I'm just not aware of it, but I would think that there are a lot of parents who would get one for their kids, or their play group to have fun with.
• I'm an idiot when it comes to kid's songs. I was completely at a loss when it came to the words to "The Wheels on the Bus," and my utter inability to do that itsy-bitsy spider thing with my hands just made me feel retarded.
• KEEP THE PUBLIC TOYS OUT OF YOUR BABIES' MOUTH. There were lots of little toys around the play area, mostly for bait to get kids to go through tunnels or climb up ramps. It worked, but almost all the kids would then put them into their mouths. Kids do this, I understand, but maybe the parents should think twice about letting their kid do it. Indoor playgrounds are fun, but they are a vector for disease. My Madame would grab the toys but she didn't put any in her mouth (I was making sure). As I've said before, she is above average.
• I wasn't the only dad. I honestly thought I might be, but in the same class there was another dad with his little boy, and there was a dad who was leaving with his kids from the previous class. Maybe I should start a dads playgroup.

For once, I can't even judge.

I've found that judging (and unfortunately being judgmental) of other parents, especially parents with children around the same age as mine, is pretty much impossible to avoid. I try hard to keep the attitude of "Hey whatever works for you is perfectly OK," and I do believe that to a reasonable extent, but when I'm around other parents with little kids it's hard not to compare.  All of this goes out the window however when it comes to parents of twins.

Before we were even thinking about having a baby, I kind of thought it would be cool to have twins. Getting through the difficult aspects of dealing with young children all at once sounded like a good idea. It's tough to deal with a new baby, two couldn't really be that much more difficult right? Lucky for me I wasn't able to choose. Now when I talk to friends or other people I've met recently who have young twins, it seems that what they are going through is so different I don't even have a basis for understanding. Feeding, sleeping, traveling - all the things I do every day with my baby seem to be completely new adventures if you've got twins. It's not as simple as doubling the task, though it does seem to be at least double the work. For instance, I might think I've got a great method for getting a baby to sleep, but getting two infants to sleep at the same time isn't even something I can relate to, let alone judge.

Which ultimately is a lesson I suppose I should take away with me. The next time I think to myself how I can't believe how late so-and-so lets their kids stay up at night, or how crazy so-and-so are to let their kid eat meat at three months, I should think about all the people raising twins. Because the truth is that usually, whatever works for a parent is perfectly OK.

Sleep.

I've been noticing recently in a few dad blogs (like this entry in More Diapers) there has been some talk of getting the baby to sleep. Not to brag, but we've had Madame sleeping through the night since she was about 8 weeks old. (OK. That was bragging, but I didn't mean it. I swear.) Sure, she's a great baby and I'm sure there's some amount of dumb-luck on our side, but I'm a firm believer that we helped the situation too.

I want to preface this by saying that I'm no expert and obviously whatever works for you is OK. If you want to get up in the middle of the night and wake the baby to change a diaper - I think you're nuts but to each his own. Also, keep in mind that no one actually sleeps through the night. You, me, your dog - we all wake up in the middle of the night and put ourselves back to sleep. The baby needs to learn how to do the same thing. Lastly, I copped most of this from Dr. Michael Cohen's The New Basics - a great book I highly recommend.

OK. Here's how MDD did it.

1. First few weeks do what you have to do. The baby doesn't even know the difference between night and day. Think of it like 9 months worth of jet lag. You just have to suck it up.
2. After a couple of weeks, let the baby cry a little before you rush to pick it up. It might be hard, but don't freak out after every little peep.
3. Once the baby is big enough for the crib (and is out of the bassinet in your room - maybe after a month or two?), put the baby to sleep at night. Once the baby starts crying, let the baby cry for 10 minutes alone before going back. Console and quiet the baby, then if the baby cries again, give it another 10 minutes (from the point when the baby starts crying). Eventually the baby will sleep. If it wakes up in the middle of the night - stick to the 10 minute rule.
4. By now hopefully you've got a baby sleeping through the night. If after 4 months you don't, then drop the 10 minute rule. Put the baby to bed at 7 PM. Say goodnight, close the door and come back at 7AM the next day. No matter what.

There it is. Basically, don't be afraid to let them cry a little. That 10 minute rule worked like a charm for us and honestly I think I've got a happier baby during the day because she's well rested. I'm not crazy about making her nap during the day. If she does (and she usually does) that's great, but if I'm getting a full night's rest I can pretty much handle anything she dishes out during the day.

Princess nation.

My little girl is still a baby, but if you’ve got one a little older (and even if you don't) you might enjoy this article over at Salon.com, A Nation of Little Princesses by Christopher Healy (subscription required, but you can click through for free if you agree to look at an ad). His daughter (like a lot of little girls apparently) is enthralled with the idea of being a princess, and the article mostly discusses whether or not this is a good thing. A lot of it is encouraged by consumer products, especially Disney’s Princess line of products, but it’s also coming from more supposedly unlikely sources like Dora the Explorer. It’s nice to see a dad writing from his perspective, and I suppose these are the sorts of child-raising (and little-girl-raising) challenges that I also have to look forward to. You know, when I was younger I never thought that I would ever have to ponder the pros and cons of your daughter wanting to be a princess, but now it’s interesting to me. Life is funny that way.

Mall Santa.

Madame and I took a quick trip to the mall yesterday morning, and I noticed something kind of strange. The mall we went to already had a Santa Claus taking pictures with kids. I'm used to seeing Christmas stuff well before Thanksgiving at places like the drugstore, but a mall Santa? If they are working now, when do these guys apply for jobs? July?  Apparently, because I was only able to find one job posting online for a Santa, so I guess most of the gigs are taken. Or maybe they use Santas Around the Globe to help them find work.

Anyway, it seems way too early to take your kid to see Santa, but the more I thought about it, it might not be such a bad idea. Take the baby now and avoid the lines - it's not like she can tell Santa what she wants, or that she's even aware what's going on. And I'll have the pictures ready to send to the Grandmas.

Visualizer hypnotizer.

Yesterday I was hanging out with Madame in the office/playroom – I was organizing a play list in iTunes and she was hanging out on the play mat – when she got fussy. This is understandable, because it’s close to bottle time and that play mat thing will only hold her attention for so long. So I pick her up and put her on my lap to try to hold her off for another 10 minutes, which only lasts about 20 seconds before she begins a full-on cry. In desperation I hit the visualizer button on iTunes and bam! It was like I hit the mute button on my baby.

A common feature on a lot of media players, the iTunes visualizer is the trippy lines and shapes generated in sync with the music. I doubt the people at Apple intended this, but my baby was completely mesmerized. She even started making her quiet baby talk sounds at it. Obviously this isn’t something we’re going to do a lot together (will this turn my kid into a zombie?), but I suppose it’s another thing I can put into my bag of tricks to get the baby to calm down in a pinch. I wonder if the iPod Photo will output the visualizer to a TV?

Drive-thru luxury.

I’ve never been much of a drive-thru kind of guy. Sure, occasionally at In-N-Out Burger I’ll hit the drive-thru line (by the way, “thru” seems to be the universal spelling for all drive-thru lines), but usually I’ll just park and go in. In my youth I probably would have said that drive-thru convenience was just another example of a lazy America, but all of that’s changed now since I have a child in the back seat. It’s almost like being able to stay in your car is this brand new luxury I’ve discovered.

The other day I was out with Madame running some errands, and she decides to fuss in the back. But by now I'm on the other side of town, I’m thirsty as hell, and I’ve forgotten a bottle of water from home (I should lay off the Fritos at lunch, but that’s besides the point). Normally I would have ducked inside the closest 7-11 and grabbed some Gatorade or something, but taking a crying baby out of the car and bringing her into a random 7-11 isn’t something I’m prepared to do. Then I realize I can roll through the drive-thru at McDonald’s and just get a drink. Eureka!

Now I’m looking for opportunities to stay in the car everywhere I go. ATM? Drive it thru. Pharmacy? Drive it thru. Post office? Stay in the car and drop it in the box. The young-me can call me lazy all he wants, but the new-me is not listening. I’m lovin’ it.

The opposite of getting your car fixed.

I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t know a lot about cars. I know when to change the oil, get the tires rotated, and fill it with gas but that’s about it. Whenever there’s a real problem with the car, I usually feel awkward about bringing it in to the service guys because I always feel like I should know more about the car than I do, just because I’m a guy. Lots of times I’ll have my wife bring the car in, as the service guys are usually much nicer to her (and she has no such hang-up). These past few days I’ve started to get the feeling that the opposite is happening in my new dad-life. The other day I’m at Babies R Us, wheeling the baby around looking for a few things, and while shopping I had no less than 3 store clerks ask if they could help me. And even yesterday at Costco, I had another customer offer to help me put my items on the conveyor belt because it looked like I had “my hands full.”

Now I’m sure lots of other dads might be offended, because we are just as able to deal with our children alone as any mom would be, and this is true. But maybe this is a perk that I didn’t count on. I may be way more capable of taking care of my kid than you assume I am, but if you’re going to help me find the hooded bath towels quicker, then thank you very much.